We’re Still Friends

Yes I am happy to report that my aforementioned dalliance with Mr Married hasn’t resulted in a termination of friendship; which is great since I am a better friend than lover/sex puppet/fuck buddy, or what have you. I’m loyal and down right adorable. LMAO*. And that’s just gonna have to be good enough.

*AN ASIDE: Don’t you wish it was that easy? To literally laugh your arse off. I’ve seen those stories about laughter helping you lose weight but I don’t laugh out loud that often and I’d have to laugh 24/7 to make a noticeable impact. Nah. I’ll just have to stick to cleaning. Best workout I’ve ever had, in terms of results. Pretty damn boring and devastating in every other respect.

We’ve chatted and text’d a little since then. I was really nervous to get in touch. I thought I had ruined everything by having sex with him. It’s not that I don’t want to – my body tells me I do by getting obscenely wet and I am an excellent cocksucker - but I have issues which mean I’ve never really enjoyed it, (intercourse proper). Issues I bottle up for the most part, out of extreme guilt and embarrassment, so of course I make things harder for myself. And that’s partly why after my last encounter I’ve decided to give sex up.

When I talk about my encounters, usually online and occasionally on the phone, men always tell me it would be different with them. They’d make sure I cum, treat me right, etc., etc., that in the past the men I’ve been with have been selfish and only concerned with their orgasm(s). In all honesty most men have been good to me and tried to “pleasure” me. I’m just a shy, stubborn bitch who can’t relax. When I get close, and that’s only when someone goes down on me, I will push back literally. Push their head away. I can’t handle it. Good kissing – and believe me there are plenty of bad kissers out there which I just don’t understand – oral and 69 are the closest I get to relaxing. But truth be told I will hold back when it gets more intense and I start to lose it more. Maybe I am just a control freak and can’t let go. I know that the intimacy of an orgasm does freak me out because I really don’t know these men that well, some more than others obviously. This last encounter makes me sad because I like him so much and I still couldn’t be physically intimate with him. Not fully. God I couldn’t even look at him during it. That is soooooooooooooooooo bad, not to mention pathetic.

Yeah Amy it's obvious: Just quit. Work on that writing career instead.