Sunshine Cleaning

Last Sunday I went to see a film after work, you know so I could say I did something for myself on the weekend. I went to see Sunshine Cleaning. I considered seeing it on my birthday but as I was taking the night off the job why remind myself about it? Pity, the film I picked instead just made me depressed about the world of entertainment. It was set in Hollywood but all the bullshit and slow negotiations seemed easily transferrable to my own experience with the local television industry.

Maybe I should have seen Sunshine Cleaning on my birthday. As we know my birthday is International Cleaners Day. (Someone has a cruel sense of humour). The film had everything; cleaning, tears, sisters, feeling useless, sex with married men, suicide. I totally understood the pain of her job. I was close to tears when she cried and she was often on the verge. At one point she was in a motel room being stood up and was reciting her little positive thinking mantra. She changes the last line to “I’m a loser” and bursts out laughing. I know exactly how she felt. (And the actress was an Amy A. too. Oh my God! Will the coincidences never end? LOL. Okay I’m being overly histrionic now).

Something else that struck me was when she said words similar to the following, “I’m good at being wanted, but not as a girlfriend or wife.” I’m not saying I’m wanted like her but when it does happen it does tend to be as a bit on the side. My last experience of that was only a few days before so I was feeling a bit raw and sensitive. I really like this man and have known him for years, but sex wasn’t a great idea. I can’t handle it. He was good about it. Didn’t force anything and we did talk most of the time and I enjoy that. I hope he feels we are still friends. I don’t think I was so bad that I’ve put him off sex for life or anything; probably just with me. Perhaps he even had sex with the wife that very night.

But I’m sidetracking now. There was more to the film then sex and affairs. Overall I thought it was very good even though it was painful. I was thinking it reminds me of another film, My Life Without Me. The star in that was a cleaner too. But that didn’t make me as sad at the time since I was still at uni and didn’t know that was my future. She finds out she’s going to die from a very progressive case of cancer so she makes a list of things to do before she goes. She also doesn’t tell her family to save their feelings. One of the things she does is have an affair since, if I remember correctly, she’s only been with her husband. I couldn’t help remembering that similarity.

So much pain and embarrassment in cleaning for a living. But really the sad thing is why didn’t I write this story? I know why. I’m too ashamed to admit my job to most people and let’s face it I’m a slacker when it comes to writing. (Have I started the Go Girl! script? No!) Too scared.

I am a loser.