Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Write Away

Thanks to my despicable chat addiction, made worse of late due to the re-discovery of how to get back into the Yahoo chat rooms, I was able to discover late last night that I got a positive response to a writing job I applied to on Friday.

It was posted on Seek. Now I know enough about the industry that it’s rather uncommon to see jobs for scriptwriters and the like posted online. It’s even rarer when it’s for people just starting out. The word “Professional” comes to mind when I think about the Film/Television/Radio jobs section. Really it’s all social networking and initiative; now you see why I haven’t got anywhere!

It felt too good to be true when I was applying. Then afterwards rather dodgy when I tried to Google the production company and couldn’t find them. They are called Rayon Productions. The best I got was a history of the production and creation of rayon. Yes, I was a bit suspicious. I have now Googled the name of the person who responded. That got me the results I was looking for. Including an entry in the Internet Movie Database. I wouldn’t call it reliable but it’s a site I enjoy searching while on a hunt for trivia. It reassured me.

So what did they say? Well they invited me to a “general writers meeting” this Thursday afternoon. I would love to go but, (you knew there had to be a but), it’s up in Sydney. I already replied saying it was unlikely that I could go. (Who knows though? I might be able to think up some way to get there. It’s a pity it’s happening so soon. I can be quite cunning given the opportunity). I asked if there was anything else I could do to show I was keen. And I am. I would love a chance to write a script. If I’m lucky I’ll hear back from them.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Uncomfortably Numb

I was rather pathetic today. I made arrangements to do a photo shoot this morning in, of all places, a Belgrave basement-come-studio. As I’ve stated, or at least implied before, I’m not comfortable being the centre of attention. I thought I could handle it but as soon as I got picked up at the station I changed my mind. I wasted a good ten minutes or more fretting over it. (Time is money love, make a decision. That doesn’t help!) I had to get real: Me doing a photo shoot, I don't think so!

He asked me on the way back to the station if I felt better now I had decided not to go through with it but to be honest I didn’t. I’m angry with myself that I didn’t just do it and get it over with.

I’m too ugly. And even though this is one time when that could actually work in my favour I don’t really want to see myself that way, or think about myself like that.

It seems like more effort than it’s worth. But hey if it got me some work....GRR! I can’t help thinking that having photos in my profile is no guarantee of getting work. It’s fucked up.
I’m fucked up.

It’s not much of an excuse but I really wasn’t prepared for it today. I didn’t really like the clothes I threw together last night and I didn’t have much idea of what types of photos I wanted. If I hadn't been so self-conscious I probably would have laughed. At one level I can't take it seriously. But at the sometime I can't relax enough to enjoy it either. That goes for everything!

This has been a lot more complicated than I was expecting. I mean I’m just walking wallpaper why do I need all these stupid photos of me? It seems so unnecessary. I’m not intending to make a career out of this. It was meant to be a one-off thing. Something to write about in this stupid blog. As well as another chance to taste my dream; then get my hopes worked up and finally have them dashed again by Life or Fate.

What I hate the most is what this says about me. Why can’t I just do it? Why instead does it make me feel ridiculous and embarrassed? How can I get over it?

In the end perhaps this is just a good idea that’s gone bad.