Friday, 27 June 2008

I Don’t Live Today

I just discovered this Jimi Hendrix song. Thanks once again to the Shuffle function on iTunes. It seems fitting as I come to the end of this crappy day. I had plans but in the end I just couldn’t be bothered. Instead I didn’t eat properly and had too many of the left over sweets from my birthday party. I’ve been doing that all week and feeling bad about it.

I really need to go back to work. I need the structure in my days.

I’m going crazy.

Will I live tomorrow? Well, I just can't say. But I know for sure I don't live today.

I know I shouldn’t write when I feel like this. But maybe it’s better than screaming.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

She’s Got The Look

Gadzooks. ATM did get back to me. I had a missed call on my mobile – an event in itself. It was them. I called back to get a fifteen minute spiel from Dan saying I could get work but I need more photos for my profile. The importance of having photos could not be expressed enough, as it was on their website. And why not take advantage of their photo shoot special? (Ah the catch!) Because I have better – well other – things I could spend $180 on. He kinda hung up on me when I didn’t commit to the photo shoot. That was a bit hurtful. But overall the phone call perked me up. After all it was rather flattering to get a call back. (I haven’t had any call backs for my other recent job applications). I must look all right. (Yeah?)

My problem with the photo shoot, besides the expense, is I don’t want to be the centre of attention.* I don’t deserve it.** I mean the whole appeal of being an Extra was blending into the background; taking up space and such. There is a certain amount of effort and deliberate standing out during a photo shoot that is just not me at all.

The other thing is I never thought I’d do this professionally. I just wanted to try it once for a laugh; to see what it’s like and maybe earn a few bucks. The ad that sparked this off was calling for Extras for one particular movie project but the way the company is set up you join them – for free, I know they’d want you to know that - and then maybe get some work.

I’m leaning towards giving this a go. There isn’t much else happening in my life at the moment. I’ve asked a friend and semi-professional photographer to take some photos for me. Even then I’m bound to feel ridiculous. I’m going to go through my wardrobe and see if I’ve got clothes that cover the three recommended photo themes: professional, casual and trendy. Crikey what does “trendy” mean these days?

I’ve never done any Extra work before so I wondered how much acting experience was required. And the answer was none apparently. To paraphrase Dan all that is needed of an Extra is someone who can speak English and run. If the motivation is right I can do both of those things.

I was told it is fun work, good pay and a chance to meet new and interesting people. Now being the antisocial type I think this is a definite positive for me. Assuming the social networking doesn’t freak me out too much.

He mentioned they are casting for Neighbours. I can’t quite see myself sitting in the cafe sipping a milkshake. Well I wouldn’t see myself anyway since I haven’t seriously watched the show since I was eleven. It would be funny to get a call from those friends who still watch asking, Was that you? Should I not tell them just to surprise them? I’m seriously jumping the gun here. And experience tells me that is the root of disappointment and heartache.

*Oh that's such a lie! Of course I want it.
** Another lie.

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Power Play

I haven’t talked much about television. I thought I would be blogging about my experiences entering the television industry. That’s what this was supposed to be about. It could still happen. I guess this is the more realistic story. The being-out-of-work-most-of-the-time story. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had the obligatory second job. That’s where going back to cleaning comes to mind. It was night shift so sort of doable. And it might be a bit better than hunting for another one, which hasn’t been much fun.

I’ve had some news at last, although “news” might be a stretch. The rather vague message was, No progress but not to worry. Do I look bothered? It’s still in the publishing company’s hands. The Managing Director has to make a decision. HE HAS TO! For me. I don’t know why he’s dragging it out. I’m not sure if any other production companies are courting this project. Or it could be that he does intend to work with David and co. but is just taking his sweet time on the agreement. A power play. Ooh big man! Groan. It’s all right for everyone else they have other projects to get on with. My contract is only to work on this adaptation. So unless this man gives the go ahead I have nothing to do. No job and no money. And now after a month it’s really starting to cut into the savings. Not to mention cutting into my emotions.

In other news, this morning I signed up to Australian Talent Management under the Extras category. I don’t think I filled in the form properly. I was expecting certain things but in the end couldn’t work out where to include them. Before I knew it the process was over. Oops. I regret it already. Oh nah, I shouldn’t fret about it. I’ll probably never hear from them. Just like any other job application.

I want my job back!

Sunday, 15 June 2008

Clean Start

At first I was horrified to discover my birthday, June 15, is International Cleaners Day. It felt like a sign that I have to go back to that terrible work. It was my mum who told me, she heard it on the radio. She confessed she wasn’t sure if she should mention it to me. I was not impressed. I did not want the association. But now I’ve looked it up and it’s not such a bad thing. (Although I still wish it was on another day!) I got the name wrong it’s actually International Justice for Cleaners Day. Let me cut and paste the information I found out about it.

The annual rallies around International Justice for Cleaners Day grew out of an ugly incident on June 15, 1990, in Los Angeles when police beat immigrant cleaners protesting the way a multi-national cleaning company was treating them in a CBD office block.

This incident provoked public outrage in the USA and abroad. Pressure from cleaners who belonged to unions in other countries helped force the contract cleaner to finally sit down, negotiate and show some respect and decency when talking with their workers.

Since then - for nearly two decades now - June 15 has become a focal point for organising cleaners in campaigns and celebrations across several continents.

I don’t know the etiquette for references online but here’s the website:

I wish I knew about it when I was a cleaner; mind you I was pretty pissed off already living the experience. And to be honest I’m not sure if I would have gone to a rally if I knew about any that may have been on in Melbourne. I didn’t even know there was a union for cleaners until near the end of working for Spotless. I still feel guilty that I didn’t join but I knew at the time I was leaving soon and wanted to save what money I could. Then again someone could have told me about the union sooner. (That’s just the guilt talking).

Friday, 13 June 2008


I cracked and sent an email to David, (my “boss”), asking what’s happening with the project. It has been over two weeks since I heard anything. And my mum keeps asking me if I’ve had any news. As if I wouldn’t have mentioned it to her. Wouldn’t I seem happier?

I don’t know how long I should wait for this job. Until I’m broke or just before that delightful day? I don’t really know what else I can do. I’ve been applying to jobs in the meantime but so far it’s just been one email saying sorry not this time. (The Extra stuff doesn’t count. But it shows you’ve been paying attention. I like that. I like that a lot). But hey what difference does it make? I tend to blow interviews anyway. Should I go back to study? Try something less academic this time since I feel that road has left me nowhere. Perhaps try some technical training for a different type of job in the media industry? Although I’m not sure what I’d want to be trained in. The expense is always off putting. Besides I’m really off more school at the moment. Although I did quite well - for, let’s be honest, a lazy bitch – I can’t say I enjoyed most of my school life. Bullying aside I often found it tedious. My degree feels completely useless too. Great!

The worst thing about waiting is thinking I should go back to my old cleaning job. I must be insane. The hours were terrible, I can’t stress that enough. The work stressful and boring and oh...there was a lot of bad things about that job. It was unsafe and unhealthy. And yet they gave me the chance. It was my first proper job. Not quite the boost to the old self esteem I was looking for but still. Well I know it’s there if I need it. A last resort I hope. I wish that would be an end to it but I know my mind will torture itself over it some more. It’s what I do.
And that’s enough of that.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Fine Print

On Saturday I was surprised to see I got an email response to my application for the Extra work. It seems more like an ad to join Australian Talent Management (ATM – where the money is!) than the actual job it was describing on Seek. It says it’s free to join but I’m just not sure. It wasn’t as slapdash as I thought and hoped it would be.

Do I want to join? Is it going to make any difference if I do? I think the potential for embarrassment and/or heartache is huge. For example, do I even want to know my weight and height? Let alone share it with strangers? They also recommend putting up a photo, warning a crappy one will do you no favours. I have one I like but is it good enough? I’m not sure I really want the follow up call if it turns out I have got what it takes to be an Extra. Perhaps boredom and desperation will drive me to it at a later date. Actually it kinda feels like a dead end after working myself into a tizzy over making the phone call in the first place. I hate me.

Anyway! At the moment I actually have some temporary work. More like a favour really. Work through one of my mum’s friends. (Give the kid a break). I’m proofreading a report on Sexually Transmitted Infections in young people. Asking young people how information should be transmitted among their peers. So any potential campaigns can hopefully reach their target audience. Quite an interesting read, although resulting in the less pleasant side effect of reminiscing over one’s sexual misadventures. What a fool.

I don't know. This day could have been better. It started off well. A beautiful day and yet I'm left rather disappointed.

Friday, 6 June 2008

On Call

Well I phoned today – after putting it off all morning and then most of the afternoon, resulting in a lovely stress headache - only to get a message saying, “This phone is not taking incoming calls.” (I rang a second time just to make sure I dialled the right number – same message). Seriously if there had been voice mail I would have left a message. Now I may have done something even more embarrassing by sending off a resume and cover letter. I was going to send a photo, just to prove how different I look, but it was taking forever to attach on Seek. It may be for the best. I wonder if they’ll even get it. Oh it does matter. I’ve already fucked up another opportunity.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Extra Shy

I wish I was more daring. I found an advert late on Monday night to work as an extra but I’m too chicken to call up about it. The money’s good and I fit the criteria. I’m all shapes and sizes and I reckon my nationality is indeterminate. No doubt useful for a city that is pretending to be bigger than Melbourne. I’ve read it’s Boston in fact.

I suppose I’m a bit nervous because I’m no actor. But then as an extra it might just be about filling the scene. I can take up space. Easy.

I really should do it today. Make the call. I’m in quite a good mood for a change. I’ve been doing a lot of tap practice this morning. And I might add doing it quite well for a change. I’ve been taking advantage of having the house to myself. That of course is another good reason to call today. I’m bound to embarrass myself over the phone and would rather no one else was around to hear it. So, after shaking the Magic Eight Ball of Life and waiting for the bubbles to subside I see that “All signs point to yes.” Make that call. If nothing else it might give me something to write about later. Oh that would be nice.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Into The Third Week

Yes week three and I’m still not sure what’s going on with my would-be job. This is the longest time I've been on standby. No news is good news? Well yes, it might be better than knowing it’s officially over. Hope you enjoyed that little taste of living your dream. Now if you don’t mind, please go away.

I was struck by this week’s horoscope reading care of my local newspaper:

Uninformative as the chaos around you, and within, that you’re experiencing seems, by June’s second half, you’ll recognize just how many seemingly insurmountable issues you’ve overcome. Tuesday’s Gemini New Moon offers unaccustomed insights to even the most resistant of dilemmas. They come at a price, and that’s being still long enough to face these in their entirety.

It’s weird how “accurate” they can be/feel. Mind you I’m still waiting for Tuesday’s unaccustomed insights to my most resistant of dilemmas. Sigh. And it would be good if by the middle of June, my birthday, this whole thing is sorted out. Fingers crossed for the best. “It is all we mortals can do.”