Waiting

I cracked and sent an email to David, (my “boss”), asking what’s happening with the project. It has been over two weeks since I heard anything. And my mum keeps asking me if I’ve had any news. As if I wouldn’t have mentioned it to her. Wouldn’t I seem happier?

I don’t know how long I should wait for this job. Until I’m broke or just before that delightful day? I don’t really know what else I can do. I’ve been applying to jobs in the meantime but so far it’s just been one email saying sorry not this time. (The Extra stuff doesn’t count. But it shows you’ve been paying attention. I like that. I like that a lot). But hey what difference does it make? I tend to blow interviews anyway. Should I go back to study? Try something less academic this time since I feel that road has left me nowhere. Perhaps try some technical training for a different type of job in the media industry? Although I’m not sure what I’d want to be trained in. The expense is always off putting. Besides I’m really off more school at the moment. Although I did quite well - for, let’s be honest, a lazy bitch – I can’t say I enjoyed most of my school life. Bullying aside I often found it tedious. My degree feels completely useless too. Great!

The worst thing about waiting is thinking I should go back to my old cleaning job. I must be insane. The hours were terrible, I can’t stress that enough. The work stressful and boring and oh...there was a lot of bad things about that job. It was unsafe and unhealthy. And yet they gave me the chance. It was my first proper job. Not quite the boost to the old self esteem I was looking for but still. Well I know it’s there if I need it. A last resort I hope. I wish that would be an end to it but I know my mind will torture itself over it some more. It’s what I do.
And that’s enough of that.