Weak End

I’ve had another long week at work. I covered for a day shift three times then went on to my shift.

The first time I went in was on Monday. Which was a bit disappointing for me because that was the day our friend from New York was going back home. I got to say goodbye in the morning but I had thought I was going to the airport too. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit but by 2 o’clock I was overwhelmed with sadness. I couldn’t stop crying. Not just because she had left but I think because I missed out on a lot of the visit being at work, and I also felt sad about not spending more time in PNG. It was sort of like getting a glimpse of an old life and then having it snatched away again. It really highlighted how crappy my life is. (Hooray!) In a lot of ways I feel cheated.

I had a drink or two - wasn’t exactly pouring out standard measures - to celebrate on Friday when it was finally over. I had too much gin and a headache most of Saturday. We went out to a friend’s place for dinner on Saturday night, that’s about the time my head felt better. But then I felt like a loser being surrounded by academics and refused to talk about my job when asked what I do. (Yeah not very mature but it does make me feel pathetic). My sister and I were there to talk about PNG. Apart from the fact that I was there for less than a fortnight and therefore didn’t have enough time to experience it properly I find it really hard to talk about it. I feel bad I don’t know more about it and my heritage. I did make the effort while I was there but the first time I talked about it back in Melbourne I felt like I hadn’t learnt anything.

I’ve been feeling like shit lately anyway but that night just brought on a new bout of depression.

Just thought I’d share that with you.