Food Glorious Food

On Monday I got a phone call to come in for an interview for a kitchen hand position I had applied for around midnight on the weekend while I was wasting time online. The company name looked familiar and when they told me the address I knew it was the place I had applied to almost two years ago as a dishwasher. Back then they asked me in the next day but not to do dishes, as I would have expected, but rather count napkins and wrap them in cling-wrap. I guess I failed to impress because I never heard from them again. I wonder how I did this time. It’s really hard to tell because the interview itself lasted less than five minutes. The questions were pretty much what they asked me over the phone that morning. The only time I felt I stumbled was not having any immediate questions for them. I thought, shit this is happening too fast, I never even thought about what I’d want to ask them. All I could think of was “How many positions are there?” Just one. They’ll call if I get it. I don’t think I will. But of course feeling relatively okay after the interview I played the What My Life Would Be Like If I Got A New Job game. (I know, so dangerous for someone with my personality). What I was really excited about was the possibility of going back to tap dancing.

I miss it so much. It was the best thing I had going for me for the brief time I got to do it. I'm not the greatest student - it didn't help that I started when I was working the graveyard cleaning shift and thus was tired out of my brain to begin with - but it was so much fun and the people were really nice. Look at my teacher.

She's beautiful! And not just good looking, (for a blonde), but such a lovely person: always happy, laughing and joking. It's hard to explain but I think about it so much. I listen to some of the songs from routines for comfort. I often think about steps and want to do them where ever I am. Including the lifts at work when I'm cleaning them. And fuck it sometimes I do a bit. Who cares what the cameras see?

My original plan for Monday was to see Julie & Julia before work. When they asked me in for the interview I almost said I wasn’t free because of the film. Madness I know. Instead I just had to bring everything with me to the interview, just in case. It turned out fine. I thought I was going to be late for the interview but I got there with ten minutes to spare and as it turned out I was done with my five minutes (or rather less) interview at 1 o’clock the time I had to be there.

It was a nice film, full of food, most of which I wouldn’t be game to eat but it all looked good. I was a bit jealous of Julie’s blogging success. (Of course I’m a petty person. And I want to be a writer just as much as her!) She had structure and purpose which is what I wanted this to have too but as you know Go Girl! never took off. I write a bit about work but I can’t find anything nice to say about it. You know what they say, “If you can’t think of anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

Being a kitchen hand isn’t something I desperately want to do. Cleaning, cooking, I can’t help making “woman’s work” connections. Like playing “house” was really preparing me for adulthood, without the husband and kids bit. There’s nothing wrong with these jobs but...some feminist ideals I can't express properly but which end up making me seem sexist in the end. Of the two I actually enjoy cooking, but like in the movie it’s a pleasurable past time I don’t want it to be my career. Well obviously Julia Child was very happy cooking and ended up making it a great career for herself, but she belongs to the celebrity chef class. Besides if I cooked that much I’d probably start to recent it. Being a kitchen hand is still too close to the grunt work, making it nice for Other people with better (less embarrassing) jobs and decent salaries. See I am a snob! Sigh!

Oh well it being Friday now and not receiving a call I don’t think I got the job. It’s disappointing but not as much as the first time. At least I have a job at the moment. Even one that upsets me so much I do stupid things like cry, cut myself or drink. I’ve managed a hat-trick some nights. More recently than I care to admit.

The Old Man didn’t really want me to get the job* and even my potential new “uncle” was trying to be upbeat by saying if I did get it he wouldn’t be able to see me during the day. Well so far I’ve been too shy to meet anyway. Sometimes it’s like, “God do I need another married man to hang out with?” And other times it feel like it could be fun. It is a good to have something to do be before the agony of work. And I don’t mean sex – shit, if that’s not obvious by now I am, publically and online, stating I am a BAD writer. No I just like the company. It’s not quite the same as saying we’re friends. (Friends with Benefits, gag! You know the married party came up with the one!) That’s the bright side Terry should keep in mind. If I got a day job obviously it makes it a lot harder for me to go off with married men. Or any man for that matter.

*Oh I tell a lie of course he would be please for me if I got a new job. He knows how much I hate cleaning and working those hours. A day job, full time hours to boot, would make a HUGE difference in my life.