Office Romances

Just thought I'd share this article I read last week in The Age:

It's business time: work romance dos and don'ts

At least 30 per cent of worke

rs have found love - or lust - at the office, numerous polls shows, and most haven't kept their feelings a secret.

It’s understandable really, given countless people have found

'The One' in the office. And since we spend so much time at work, why not dabble in a bit of workplace love?

A study by Ryerson University in Canada even confirmed that most employees don’t mind if their

colleagues date, so long as the team’s performance and work environment aren’t disrupted.

The reality, though, is that it can be an awkward and uncomfortable experience. Rumours and gossip are inevitable. Someone might view a friendly request for a date as harassment. And messy break-ups could easily be on public display.

Research conducted by Westminster University found no evidence that an office romance impacts negatively on productivity ... until the lovebirds break up. And in most cases, the relationship ends while the couple still works together, with the ongoing tension making it difficult to move on.

But sometimes the attraction between two colleagues is too strong to resist. They just have to be together. So, for guidance, I spoke to Helaine Olen, the co-author of Office Mate: The Employee Manual for Finding and Managing Romance on the Job. She shared with me her dos and don’ts for matters of love at work.

First, the don’ts.

1. If you’re going to ask someone out on a date, don’t do it in the office

“If you don’t know them well enough to get them out of the office, you probably shouldn’t be asking them,” she says. “First, why would you want everybody to hear? Second, you’re putting the other person in a really bad position. And third, it could look like you’re using the workplace to get

something.”

2. Just because it’s an office romance doesn’t mean you conduct it in the office

“That means not going to coffee or lunch together,” she warns, and that includes the coincidental catch-ups at the photocopy machine or the discreet little chats in the tearoom. She adds: “It means being more professional than you were before you were dating.”

3. Do not use company property to send messages to your loved one

Employees often forget they lose much of their right to privacy when they use company-owned computers, phones, and other technological devices.

“The IT guys might read this stuff,” says Olen, “and if you think it doesn’t happen, you’re wrong; it does. It’s not private at all.”

Well, that’s what to avoid. Here’s what to do:

1. Make sure you have more than just the workplace in common

“Familiarity breeds friendship,” she says. “If you’re only talking about your boss, maybe that’s a sign this wasn’t meant to be.”

Workplace couples often think they have a lot in common, but on many occasions it’s not true. They feel as though they have heaps in common, but usually it’s just because they wo

rk together.

2. Stay connected with other colleagues at work

“You and your loved one are not a self-contained unit,” she advises. “Make sure you don’t do that thing where you’re so in love that you let go of all your friends and co-workers. It’s bad on a professional level.”

3. Spend time after hours at places where you won’t bump into co-workers

The local bar near the office, for example, is a bad choice. When colleagues see colleagues getting intimate – even when it’s outside of work – it fuels the fire of workplace gossip. “If you give people something to gossip about, they will,” says Olen. “It’s enormously entertaining when this stuff goes on.”

Enormously entertaining, yes, but rarely for the couple involved.

Follow James Adonis on Twitter @jamesadonis

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/small-business/blogs/work-in-progress/its-business-time-work-romance-dos-and-donts-20111020-1mao1.html#ixzz1bvmdhCkl

This is the first time I’ve been in an office situation long enough to even think about it. I’ve thought/dreamt about the guy who quality checks my work but it wasn’t romantically. Not really. I mean I once dreamt we were in bed together but we weren’t doing anything naughty or interesting. In fact all I can remember now is I kept checking to see if he was still asleep because I wanted to go for a wee without him hearing. In the morning I thought, this is about work not lust. Rather me wanting to be able to do my job without his help; or at least more independently than I am at the moment. I do hate needing to ask for help and unfortunately I don't, or not right away. I HAVE to though. Been told numerous times.

In training I was told that office romances happen but so far I haven’t noticed anything. Maybe some flirting but I’ve never been good at picking up on that and I can’t report any flirting aimed at me. Everyone seems younger than me anyway and that’s not really my style. I should be flattered but…early twenties freaks me out! I don’t want to be seen or perceived as a Cougar at thirty-one! I don’t feel like being a “teacher” to these younger men because I don’t think I’ve got the experience. (Such nice bodies though. Sigh!) At the other end of the scale I don’t want to seem like a mail order bride, (good time not to be Asian or Eastern European looking), or a sweet-tooth with her sugar daddy when I’m seen with older men either. It’s like I’ve always wondered? Why aren’t I good enough for men my own age? (Some older men’s bodies are all right but they don’t always work as well as they used to).

This is really straying from the topic now but I want a baby. I always did but now that I’m older it doesn’t feel like something I can put off as easily. My cousin had a baby a couple of weeks ago. That’s me and him below. And the daughter of one of my mum’s best friends had a baby nearly two months ago. Some of my friends have babies now and I love them all. My dad’s death has made me think about it more as well. One of the first things I thought after I was told he died was that he should have been a grandfather. My mother seems keen on becoming a grandmother. She says she needs someone new to pour her love into, to paraphrase. She also wants to have the energy to enjoy grandchildren. I know I want one but I don't know how it will happen. I mean it doesn't seem like a possibility at the moment. And yeah, that gets me down a bit.

Frankly My Dear

He didn’t say anything but I was caught on Facebook and possibly Hotmail at work today by one of the SMEs. (Yeah I can’t remember what that stands for except Expert). Just one of the go-to people before you bug the Team Leader. The TL is called Rhett Butler. Would you believe? I knew it was a famous name from pop culture but I had to look it up to remind myself. Gone with the bloody Wind. Frankly my dear I do give a damn! Apparently he’s really laid back. (A team mate and gossip buddy of mine used to work with him. Judging from a Facebook photo they’re not bad friends). Tall and cute in a dressed casual sort of way. He likes his football though. L And frankly my dear I DON’T give a damn about that!

It’s not that we’re banned from going on to these sites, or the net in general, it’s just that as newcomers we have to earn the right. To the best of my ability I did earn it the first day but never again since. I do it anyway as I get bored and frustrated and as in the previous post I don’t ask for help so when I can’t get on with my work I need something to do!

(Some one to do at the moment would be all right at well. It’s been a while. The last time I was touched by a man was a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye and good luck. This was the night before we started this job for real. Golly; that wet warmth was nice, however brief. By the way he’s the flirtiest and only married person in our group. He has this habit of winking when he talks to you. I’m going to stereotype him and say it’s part of his South American and Latin charm. That is to suggest it is his way rather than any particular interest in me. I thought he had blue eyes but today when the sunlight caught them I discovered they glowed like honey).

I'm too scared to talk to Rhett. In fact it took me ages to talk to Miguel the aforementioned SME and the guy Q Cing my work, that's Quality Checking people. He's checked one and it needs a rework. I still have my doubts any of this is every going to make sense.

It’s weird though, being caught, because it’s broken the ice. I went up to ask a question and it felt all right. Maybe it was because he came around and offered the help. I don’t know, but as long as that mental block of mine is gone who cares! Sing Hallelujah! The more I over hear the new people the more I see how we’re all in the same boat. That only gives me comfort when I'm still thinking rationally but once I get in a state I just think, "They're going to get rid of me they're going to get rid of me!"

I actually miss cleaning - bite my tongue! In that at least I knew what I was doing and could get on with it. I don't know why I can't ask. I know it's all right to and perfectly understandable but something is blocking me. I don't really want to go over this in therapy again. Thinking inward repression my have to be my damaging route for the time being. I've told Terry that I don't want to talk about work with him any more. He got pissed off with me the night before when I rang him and repeatedly said I can't do it. I've been wondering today if anxiety pills would help at all. I could ask the therapist that. I do like this therapist but I'm starting to feel like my life is crap. The whole process can get you down. It can make me dwell on bad things.

Spotted

Oh my God! I got recognised from the adult website BeNaughty in Dan Murphy’s this afternoon. This guy said something like, “How are you doing?” And I think, “Can I help you?” He was wearing a yellow high visibility shirt and carrying a case of beer so for a moment I thought he might work there. So after I said no thanks I went back to my wine selection and then he asked if my name was “Oz.” Well that’s what I thought he said but when I said no he’s like, “Eyes from the net?” I denied it but I felt my face going red while thinking “Oh shit!” He had a nice voice and was young to boot – woo hoo! – but it still freaked me out a bit. I wasn’t sure if I recognised him, but I didn’t get that great, or long, a look at him.

It was weird because when I was in Safeway earlier I was thinking about it happening. Not that I wanted it to. And actually one time in Safeway this man tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention because he seemed to know who I was. It turns out he was the painter doing next door’s house. I never really looked at him properly while he was working – shame because he was quite good looking in his civvies – so until he told me who he was my face must have been a startled blank. He was also with a woman, who I assumed was his partner so for a split moment I was thinking, “Is this some couple from BeNaughty who recognise me?”

It’s a weird, totally sex with little commitment, site. I won’t bore you with why or how I ended up as a member but as it’s free for women I have checked it out from time to time. You can look at people’s photos and chat, email or “wink” at them. You can see who has viewed your profile and do your own searching. There’s all this explicit stuff you can fill out for your profile too. In a way it just seems pointless to me when free chat is used often enough for hooking up with people. Seriously can’t understand why anyone would pay. Men! I don’t know. I know I have pissed off a few guys for not being interested. I did close my profile down but about a week or so later I joined again. (I missed getting the annoying emails okay).

I’m thinking now I’m going to be avoiding it. I’m not sure whether or not I will close it down again. I probably should but I have met some people I enjoy talking too. But really I know I have no proper place there.

Should I Take That As A Compliment?

I had a job interview on Saturday morning for a fast food chicken bugger joint. They’re opening a new store in Highpoint. So basically it’s starting out from scratch. I was asked what I prefer to do, work out the front or out the back doing food prep. I said I love cooking so I wouldn’t mind working out the back. I think that was good that I like cooking but then he said, “We like to put the pretty ones out the front.” Now I already know that girls tend to be put out the front of fast food places. When he said it though I was like, “Oh?” I think that OH may have even been expressed on my face at the time. A nice addition the pink I could feel on my nervous, flushed cheeks. Was that a compliment? Was he flirting with me? (Fucked if I know!) Although a good looking (young) man, I had already noticed his thick and prominent wedding ring. I was thinking, “Well what does that mean?!” And, “Surely that’s up to you/the customer (if I’m pretty or not).” It feels like it, but I just don’t know. I asked the Old Man about it and he thinks he probably was flirting. Okay that’s nice – as I said he was good looking so if it was an option I would go there. However what I really liked is he made me feel smart. Well smart enough to cope with that job at least. When he asked if I had worked in the industry before I said no but he didn’t think that was a problem. There’s going to be training and he said I could handle it. (Was that all he wanted me to handle? ENOUGH! God Amy get out a bit more would ya!) There are a lot of applicants so if I don’t hear by Friday then I didn’t get it. As far as interviews go it felt all right. But what the hell does that mean?

I went to the dentist today for the first time in over ten years. My mum had been recently so I was prepared for a long and expensive visit. She also told me not to get upset if they lectured me for not having a check-up in years. I got there early and once the receptionist was off the phone I was being lead into the surgery. I was shocked. Did you know you can now watch TV while you’re being scrapped and drilled? The sunglasses where interesting too. Not that I ever remembered being blinded by the overhead light before, OH&S at work here? If that’s the case I don’t think the TV was a very good idea. I could see the nurse glancing at it regularly. So, after all that I doubt I was in there for more than ten minutes. The doctor didn’t tell me off and I paid $45 less than my mother had to and I was expecting to. She was home when I got back and I told her. She was mightily pissed off about the money and rang them. It turns out my teeth didn’t need much cleaning and where healthy. It would have been nice of the dentist to tell me that at the time. At the end all he said was, “They seem good.” I was told to rinse and that was it. I was like huh? So once again I wondered, was that a compliment? I know for sure now because they explained the fee discrepancy to my mum.

One last thing, about two weeks ago there was an ad in the local paper for looking for ladies to join an adult call centre. I applied eagerly and perhaps a little naively. In all honesty I think it is work I could do and it’s been suggested to me by men on chat who I’ve ended up talking to on the phone. Some strangers and some I’ve gotten to know. Anyway, I may not be the best at talking dirty but there’s something about my voice that they love. I never did hear back from them. You could either email or phone but I only emailed. Seems a bit redundant but I don’t like calling people. I didn’t want to give up so I found another place to apply. They didn’t have any specific vacancies but you can leave a message and your landline saying you’re interested. So that’s what I did today:

Hello!

I have thought about doing this work before but I never knew how to go about getting it. (I tried applying to a newspaper advert a couple of weeks ago but they haven't got back to me).

As far as experience goes I've done this before as a bit of fun after chatting with men online. I have a nice, I'm told sexy, speaking voice. Some have suggested I do it professionally,(but I'm not sure if they were just teasing). I wouldn't mind finding out though. ;-)

About half of that came from my original email. See what I mean about it being a bit gushy/girly and naive? I’m curious to find out how it works. I remember seeing one of the characters, a stay at home mum, in Short Cuts doing it and other bits of telly and film. It all made it seem like something I could do.

I may not think I’m pretty – not Adult Fantasy House pretty – but I do think I have a nice and maybe even sexy voice. It’s one of the few compliments I can take.