New Year, New Career

Well not exactly. An opportunity has arisen though. I’ve been asked to make sweets, (chocolate cherry balls, slices and cakes), for a restaurant in the city.

I was asked to do it during dinner last Christmas Eve and I finally got around to doing it last week; a week ago today in fact. I wasn’t pleased with the hazelnut brownies I made. (My first attempt at that particular recipe). They didn’t look right. They weren’t thick enough – didn’t rise to the occasion as it is rather lame of me to put it. But they sure did taste good! The chocolate cherry balls were all right though. I don’t even like cherry but those balls are divine!

CUSTOMER FEEDBACK: They are too big. Can you imagine such nonsense? I’ll make them smaller and prettier next time but really, too big? I don’t understand. It’s cool though.

I was worried about presentation. I think that’s why I put it off for a while. I’m not fussed with the homemade look when it comes to food for family, friends and myself, however stuff for a restaurant is different. More standardised I suppose I mean.

Last Friday I stopped by the restaurant to visit my cakes. I was informed they haven’t been selling. They aren’t giving up on me yet though. One problem is they haven’t spent much energy on their desserts, so it hasn’t got the reputation of a place to stop by for coffees and cakes. The staff and family members seem to like them though, even the flat brownies. But it’s all about making a profit. I’ve been asked to make a Hummingbird Cake. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem but I don’t trust our oven to heat properly. It hasn’t been the same since my mum cleaned it. I do believe a cook needs to know the temperament of the oven they use.

Although I never thought I wanted to do cooking for a career I was excited to be given this opportunity. I’ve had a lot of false starts in the past. Shit my life feels like a false start. (Moan). So my expectations weren’t too high – self preservation, right? And realistically it didn’t seem like something that would support me, or even let me quit cleaning. At best a little extra cash and something to do during my long boring wait for work to start at 5.30pm. I admit it would be nice for strangers to say they like my cooking because I’ve always enjoyed doing it. And who doesn’t like a compliment every now and then? Even though I’d be hearing them second-hand. Actually that suits my shyness. I don’t know what will become of this though. Not this early on.

I’m still hanging out for news on the TV series. It’s been so long that any news would be good and interesting to have. When do I give up on that though? I decided close of business Friday February 20. I even marked it in my diary. I was thinking two weeks into the month but that would be Friday the thirteenth so I gave myself an extra week. It’s stupid but I don’t need any more bad luck. I can’t decide if I should try emailing them before the deadline. That might lead to some news. I think after two months of hearing nothing I’m entitled to an update and progress report. Fuck, even a lack of progress report. Just so I know where I stand. It’s torture! How long can hope last?

What Should I Do?

I'm having a bit of a career dilemma. Yesterday morning I got offered my old cleaning job. I can't decided whether or not to accept it. I'm tempted by the fact that it's more money than I'm currently getting; I feel like I know how to do this job better and it's a bit easier because people aren't around and I won't be cleaning toilets. Actually the toilets I clean are pretty clean already.

It's the money. I want it! Of course. It's an extra hour of work so I'll definitely get paid for it. Currently I work overtime to get the job done properly. I am recording it on my sign-on sheet but I don't get paid for it. I know I should talk to one of my supervisors about this but I don't know....I chicken out. I'm worried I'm too slow at cleaning. My old boss gave me extra time with pay to do the job, I assume because I was actually using that time to clean. And she seems to like me. (Strange woman, lol).

But how can I do it? I still don't drive so it's going to be a nightmare getting to work. (3 am start for those of you not in the know). No public transport to get me there. I suppose it's not really worth it. But I'm going to torture myself thinking about it until the end of the week.

I'm leaning towards declining the offer. In which case my sister thinks I should tell her sooner rather than later. She's right of course. But.......I'm so indecisive.

So Far

I’ve adjusted back into cleaning a lot faster than I thought I would. The things that freaked me out, like people seeing me clean, doesn’t really bother me any more. I block them out and I’m sure they avert their eyes and pretend I don’t exist. Just as I would. Mind you I’ve been there long enough now for people in the office I clean to start saying “Hi” or “Bye” to me. Or better yet apologise for making a mess of what I literally just cleaned. And at the end of my first week some guy who looked important told me what a good job I was doing. You do the toilets as well? Well done. Eep! Why doesn’t this conversation embarrass you as much as it does me!?! I found it even stranger still because his is one office that is locked after hours and therefore not one I actually have to clean. I love him just for that!

Spotless

I'm back!

Next Wednesday I return to cleaning. I've been so bored and stressed about money that it's not such a bad thing. And yet....

I was hoping I could do better than this.

Popular

I was feeling popular earlier this week. Work is in the air. I can almost taste it. Of course now I’m just going mad waiting to hear something more definite.

It looks like I will be going back to Spotless soon. I called Geraldine on Monday, but she didn’t have any work for me. However she gave me a lead for some other cleaning work. It’s a different site with much more liveable hours.

Also on Monday I had a phone interview for the new Officeworks opening in Coburg next month. I didn’t think I did that well. Being flustered and caught off guard as I always am when I get calls relating to work. When I was told if I was unsuccessful I would receive an e-mail I thought that was it. But lo and behold I got called back soon after for a group interview on Wednesday. I was totally surprised.

When I got there I overheard another interviewee quoting some statistics. That 150 people had applied, there were 30 positions and 40 people had made it to this stage. If that’s true I’m even more surprised I’ve got this far. I think the fact I’m a local, like most of the other people there, was what did it for me in the end. Like I said I did do pretty badly during the phone interview. “Um...yeah...because...I think.”

I don’t know how I did in the group setting. I never can tell. I didn’t feel too bad afterwards. As always I probably should have said more. But of course there’s always Spotless. I’ve done the paperwork for them and now I’m just waiting for a call to start work. Even though Officeworks would be better for me in the long run giving me more experience, especially customer service, I feel more confident with the cleaning. It’s boring and often stressful but I know what I am doing. (Hell I've bitched enough about it here already).

I’m also crossing my fingers for my television career. Last I heard, (two weeks ago), both sides were going through the finishing touches on the contract. And once my “bosses” get funding from the ABC and Film Victoria I should be part of the team again. That would be wonderful but I can’t get too excited about it. It’s been too long. I just can’t trust it will really happen. If you know what I mean?

Tough Times

I spoke to my boss. She said she is going to go through the roaster and would try to get me a few hours. I know she’ll do what she can.

Wow, I really took my Plan B for granted. As much as I loathed it I always thought I could go back. I’m not sure what to do next.

The First Step (But In Which Direction?)

Well I’ve done it. I’ve made contact with my old cleaning boss. Boy I’ve been putting that off for ages. I’m so pathetic all I could do was exchange a series of text messages with her. But it has resulted in a scheduled phone call tomorrow afternoon at four. Will I get to go back to Spotless? And perhaps more importantly will I kill myself if the answer is “Yes?” (I’m thinking probably). Well no point getting too upset about it now. Ha! What a joke. I can't even describe how upset I am about the way things are at the moment. Anyway, looking at the "bright" side it may not even be an option. Things could get worse!

I wanted so badly to get away from cleaning.