Spotless

I'm back!

Next Wednesday I return to cleaning. I've been so bored and stressed about money that it's not such a bad thing. And yet....

I was hoping I could do better than this.

Popular

I was feeling popular earlier this week. Work is in the air. I can almost taste it. Of course now I’m just going mad waiting to hear something more definite.

It looks like I will be going back to Spotless soon. I called Geraldine on Monday, but she didn’t have any work for me. However she gave me a lead for some other cleaning work. It’s a different site with much more liveable hours.

Also on Monday I had a phone interview for the new Officeworks opening in Coburg next month. I didn’t think I did that well. Being flustered and caught off guard as I always am when I get calls relating to work. When I was told if I was unsuccessful I would receive an e-mail I thought that was it. But lo and behold I got called back soon after for a group interview on Wednesday. I was totally surprised.

When I got there I overheard another interviewee quoting some statistics. That 150 people had applied, there were 30 positions and 40 people had made it to this stage. If that’s true I’m even more surprised I’ve got this far. I think the fact I’m a local, like most of the other people there, was what did it for me in the end. Like I said I did do pretty badly during the phone interview. “Um...yeah...because...I think.”

I don’t know how I did in the group setting. I never can tell. I didn’t feel too bad afterwards. As always I probably should have said more. But of course there’s always Spotless. I’ve done the paperwork for them and now I’m just waiting for a call to start work. Even though Officeworks would be better for me in the long run giving me more experience, especially customer service, I feel more confident with the cleaning. It’s boring and often stressful but I know what I am doing. (Hell I've bitched enough about it here already).

I’m also crossing my fingers for my television career. Last I heard, (two weeks ago), both sides were going through the finishing touches on the contract. And once my “bosses” get funding from the ABC and Film Victoria I should be part of the team again. That would be wonderful but I can’t get too excited about it. It’s been too long. I just can’t trust it will really happen. If you know what I mean?

Tough Times

I spoke to my boss. She said she is going to go through the roaster and would try to get me a few hours. I know she’ll do what she can.

Wow, I really took my Plan B for granted. As much as I loathed it I always thought I could go back. I’m not sure what to do next.

The First Step (But In Which Direction?)

Well I’ve done it. I’ve made contact with my old cleaning boss. Boy I’ve been putting that off for ages. I’m so pathetic all I could do was exchange a series of text messages with her. But it has resulted in a scheduled phone call tomorrow afternoon at four. Will I get to go back to Spotless? And perhaps more importantly will I kill myself if the answer is “Yes?” (I’m thinking probably). Well no point getting too upset about it now. Ha! What a joke. I can't even describe how upset I am about the way things are at the moment. Anyway, looking at the "bright" side it may not even be an option. Things could get worse!

I wanted so badly to get away from cleaning.

Nothing Yet

I did hear back from Garnet of Rayon Productions but it wasn’t anything to get excited about. He said he would send me a draft to critique but that was over two weeks ago. I don’t think it would have worked out anyway. They’re guerrilla filmmakers. I admire the balls that go with it but it’s not really the sense of security I’m looking for. A pay cheque would be nice.

I’m getting sick of all these false starts when it comes to work. In desperation I was approached last Wednesday for a temporary data entry job that would have started today. I had already given up on this one and was surprised they called me. They emailed me a data entry test. I’m a little rusty and I assume I failed it.

Hmm. It’s the assumption part that annoys me. I just want to know. I didn’t get any results after taking the test. And when I talked to them on the phone they asked if I was free to come in the following day. I am very free. I’m always free! No phone call. No reply to my email. Thursday was terrible. The mental torture I put myself through. Hope can be so self-destructive, no? I was going mad with desperation.

It’s probably my fault. I wasn’t fast enough or accurate enough. But I just hate how excited I got about the possibility of going back to work.

Perhaps data entry was a stretch for me as I’ve been out of practise. But I applied to a dishwasher job not so long ago and was even asked to come back for a trial. I don’t know what I did wrong there but I never did get called back. The trial was rather weird too as I didn’t end up doing any dishes at all. Instead I got to wrap up napkins in groups of 15 or 25 for the platters.

Write Away

Thanks to my despicable chat addiction, made worse of late due to the re-discovery of how to get back into the Yahoo chat rooms, I was able to discover late last night that I got a positive response to a writing job I applied to on Friday.

It was posted on Seek. Now I know enough about the industry that it’s rather uncommon to see jobs for scriptwriters and the like posted online. It’s even rarer when it’s for people just starting out. The word “Professional” comes to mind when I think about the Film/Television/Radio jobs section. Really it’s all social networking and initiative; now you see why I haven’t got anywhere!

It felt too good to be true when I was applying. Then afterwards rather dodgy when I tried to Google the production company and couldn’t find them. They are called Rayon Productions. The best I got was a history of the production and creation of rayon. Yes, I was a bit suspicious. I have now Googled the name of the person who responded. That got me the results I was looking for. Including an entry in the Internet Movie Database. I wouldn’t call it reliable but it’s a site I enjoy searching while on a hunt for trivia. It reassured me.

So what did they say? Well they invited me to a “general writers meeting” this Thursday afternoon. I would love to go but, (you knew there had to be a but), it’s up in Sydney. I already replied saying it was unlikely that I could go. (Who knows though? I might be able to think up some way to get there. It’s a pity it’s happening so soon. I can be quite cunning given the opportunity). I asked if there was anything else I could do to show I was keen. And I am. I would love a chance to write a script. If I’m lucky I’ll hear back from them.

Uncomfortably Numb

I was rather pathetic today. I made arrangements to do a photo shoot this morning in, of all places, a Belgrave basement-come-studio. As I’ve stated, or at least implied before, I’m not comfortable being the centre of attention. I thought I could handle it but as soon as I got picked up at the station I changed my mind. I wasted a good ten minutes or more fretting over it. (Time is money love, make a decision. That doesn’t help!) I had to get real: Me doing a photo shoot, I don't think so!

He asked me on the way back to the station if I felt better now I had decided not to go through with it but to be honest I didn’t. I’m angry with myself that I didn’t just do it and get it over with.

I’m too ugly. And even though this is one time when that could actually work in my favour I don’t really want to see myself that way, or think about myself like that.

It seems like more effort than it’s worth. But hey if it got me some work....GRR! I can’t help thinking that having photos in my profile is no guarantee of getting work. It’s fucked up.
I’m fucked up.

It’s not much of an excuse but I really wasn’t prepared for it today. I didn’t really like the clothes I threw together last night and I didn’t have much idea of what types of photos I wanted. If I hadn't been so self-conscious I probably would have laughed. At one level I can't take it seriously. But at the sometime I can't relax enough to enjoy it either. That goes for everything!

This has been a lot more complicated than I was expecting. I mean I’m just walking wallpaper why do I need all these stupid photos of me? It seems so unnecessary. I’m not intending to make a career out of this. It was meant to be a one-off thing. Something to write about in this stupid blog. As well as another chance to taste my dream; then get my hopes worked up and finally have them dashed again by Life or Fate.

What I hate the most is what this says about me. Why can’t I just do it? Why instead does it make me feel ridiculous and embarrassed? How can I get over it?

In the end perhaps this is just a good idea that’s gone bad.